jibber jabber

i'm sitting here listening to tessa talk herself to sleep. it warms my heart. i've been feeling really blue lately. the weather is killing me. staying inside is driving me bananas and the stupid routine we've been in is just so awful. pick up from daycare, stop for and errand, get home, feed dinner to everyone, play for maybe 30mins, take bath go to bed, eat dinner with matt, watch depressing local news, go to bed. what happened to sitting outside. what happened to walking the dogs. what happened to smelling cut grass and gasoline. it just has me in such a funk. but sitting here listening to her chit chat to herself is so warming. every single day i look at this little person we made and think, "seriously, i get to have this?" what did i do to deserve this life. it has been so good to me. i feel like i haven't done enough good things in life to be gifted with such wonderful things. a beautiful baby, a loving hubby, a house to keep me warm and great job. what did i do? all i know is that i'm going to keep trying to do what i've been doing. God has been good to us. so good. i'm sitting here with two sleepy lazy dogs and baby that has finally put herself to sleep. i'm planning on dreaming about green grass and long walks and porch swings tonight. wish me luck. i'm so over this funk.