what they mean by terrible twos

some people think the terrible twos is when you child reaches the magical age of 24 months. and you begin to deal with tantrums and crying in a brand new way.

WRONG!

terrible twos is ACTUALLY when your child decides to begin the behavior of split personalities. Get it? TWO personalities. we have reached this bewildering stage in our lives and i'm at my wits end. honest as the day is long, our sweet little bitty has two completely different beings living her that fight to get out pretty much every night.

one sweet and lovable personality calls me "honey" as in "aaah honey" with a pat on my back as we hug. or the sweet little back of the knee hugs she hands out while i'm making dinner that almost make me fall over by surprise. or the sweet little girl who giggles when she toots in the bathtub. this is the little bitty i just adore. i'm anxious to pick her up each day, i restrain myself from waking her up in the morning to snuggle. this side of the terrible twos i love.

our next character in the play.... well i won't go as far as calling her a little devil but good golly she's close. this is the one who started to appear a while back with bites to my face disguised as kisses. now she loves to FREAK OUT if we say no to something she wants, whether it be a stroll down the basement stairs or running willy nilly in the grocery store or handing her the wrong crackers. the word no sets this second entity loose and the only think i know to do is give it a time-out. and magically after a few minutes our sweet little bitty appears in the kitchen with some sort of piece offering of whatever was on the floor in her room and out stretched arms for a hug.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! TERRIBLE TWOS. seriously. the terrible part of this whole process is i'm kept guessing constantly and i don't know what i'm doing and i have a fear of screwing up and screwing her up and ruining everything until she's 20 and decides i'm not that bad after all.

i don't buy the crap about talking to your child and explaining why it was not nice to slap mommy across the face then dig your finger nails in her arm. maybe in a year or 6 months, maybe. because right now, when she's screaming and frothing at the mouth, i don't know how to calmly explain why things are the way they are. i'm not apposed to a pop on the butt but when a little pink butt cheek fits in the palm of your hand it's hard to bring yourself to giving it a swift pop on the cheek. i also understand it's hard for her to understand why it's ok for to spank if it's not ok for her slap. "because i'm in charge" doesn't hold much water at this stage either. so what do i do. ignore it? keep handing out time outs until she enjoys them? make her stand outside in the cold? take away her beloved hootie? or do i grin and bear it and just wait for this evil alter ego to disappear? i'm not good at turning the other cheek so i don't think that is the way to go.

i love her so much. i never knew i could love this much. but seriously. terrible twos BE GONE. i'm so over the constant tantrums and guessing which way i say "no" will set her off.

so just so you know. the terrible twos can get you at any time. your little one does not have to reach the magic age of 24 months for this bizarre event to occur. so watch your back. they're coming for you.

(p.s. after a 4.5 hour nap today she was a joy. not every day is horrible, just the majority)